The Helen Howlett School of Parenting

Having spent the last school holiday in hospital, I promised myself that the next one would be different. I would spend as much time with the children as possible, doing fun things with them to make up for it.

After our France and Colwyn Bay adventures, Cissy very kindly agreed to host us for a lovely little break in Dorset.  Dorset is a special place for the Basford family. Daddy used to holiday here for many years, so has very fond memories, it is also where Mummy finally said "yes" to Daddy.

Attending therapy has helped me to realise how much what we experience in childhood shapes the type of person we become, so I have been thinking a lot about my parents recently, and the impact my brand of parenting will ultimately have on my children.

This has become evident during my stay with Celestria in August 2014. Whilst both of us have different parenting styles, there is a distinct, common thread that binds it all together, the unmistakeable smattering of colourful "learning through play" that comes from our incredible mother Helen Howlett. Our courageous mother taught all four of us at home until I was aged 11. She had no car, very little money and no family nearby to help. It is truly amazing to me that she didn't go insane with us lot, especially as we had no TV and very few toys!!!

My mother is and was THE most outstanding teacher I know, training at Sheffield and practicing as soon as she graduated to finish paying for my Daddy's B Ed, she taught me everything I know about teaching and learning. It is a testament to her teaching skills that all four of her children are University educated. At time of writing, one of her children is about to embark on the second year of her PhD, another has a Masters in Ancient History and Politics from one of the top universities, Cardiff, another has a first class Honours degree and another has a Bachelors degree, obtained under very difficult circumstances and with very little support from the faculty they attended. All four of us were never forced or pressured to study; in fact, we all put ourselves through university, paying our own way with no financial support from our parents. Simply, Mummy knew how to make us passionate about finding out about the world around us.

The more I spend time with my sisters (you as well Bethlehem), the more I realise what a profound impact those precious years had on our very being. Here's why:

Mummy loved nature and felt it was important for us to be aware of our environs. By the age of 7, I could identify a camomile flower, mallow plant, snakes head fratillery, three different types of trees according to their leaves and could recite the names of several animals in French. It made me smile therefore when we were out in the garden playing with the children and Cissy and I both found ourselves telling the children the names of plants and showing them which were edible. C's knowledge puts mine to shame!

Celestria, like myself and J for many years (we finally caved in 8 years ago) and us Howlett's growing up, has no TV, therefore play is an essential part of entertainment. My sister and her husband have very strong Eco values and are admirably self sufficient for many of their basic needs, and you can see this in the type of toys Sofia plays with. She has a cooker hand made by her Daddy which was a repurposed TV cabinet, her toy chest is full of recycled toys. This was very much the case for us children growing up,  I remember Daddy making us girls cots for our dollies, a garage for Jordan, mummy sewing dolls clothes for us and making dressing up clothes out of our worn out clothes.

Most importantly, mummy passed these skills down to us. I can see it here in C's house, I can see it in my own house; my children play with the Sylvanian family characters my siblings and I played with when they were younger, including the clothes that C and I sewed for them cos we couldn't afford to buy the pretty ready made ones.

Most of all, I always remember being read to, reading and visiting the library. Mummy and Daddy instilled in us the sheer joy of devouring a book. By 9 I had read Pride and Prejudice, most of A Midsummer Nights Dream, Jane Eyre and the entire Little Women series. Not because I had to, but because  I loved them. 

It is a real pleasure to see my own children enjoying reading, and especially to see them using this skill to teach their younger cousins.

Of course, being the grand daughters of an Art School graduate, creativity is pretty much in our blood. I cannot remember a time during my childhood when we were not drawing or painting (I have numerous scrap books rammed full of them that Mummy made for us over the years). I guess it's no surprise then that all of the second generation Howlett offspring share this love too.

Each day I am a parent I grow to love my Mummy more and more. I realise the incredible sacrifices she went to to give us the best start in life. Her example of motherhood is exemplary, and I don't tell her often enough. If there is any good in me and the way I bring up my kids, it is down to her, her patience, wisdom and goodness.  For years, she and Daddy went without date nights because she didn't want to leave us with anyone else. When we were little we ALWAYS came first, it was us (sometimes to the detriment of time with her husband, my Daddy) that got her BEST side. Now we are grown, she and Daddy are enjoying their empty nest. This year they celebrated 40 years of happy married life and still continue to be as in love today as they were all those years ago when a 19 year old Londoner wrote poetry for his beautiful country girl. I can't help but think they came up with the perfect formula for happy marriage and family life.